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The Shower Scene Fig1 This famous scene of Hitchcock's psycho works so well, its montage of cuts, its metamorphosis with the plug...
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Ogr by Georgia Nicole Betteridge on Scribd ">
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Script by Georgia Nicole Betteridge on Scribd ">
Hi Georgia... can you give this post a title please, so that Phil can spot it easier?
ReplyDeleteok done
ReplyDeleteOGR 26/01/18
ReplyDeleteHey Georgia,
Thanks for revisiting your OGR - I think I understand it better now - let me see if I get it: essentially, the perfume bottle masks the characters - presenting them as perfect, though the characters themselves preferred the 'normal' versions of each other, right - and at the end of the story, the two characters find each other - the end.
I think things feel a little too complex here and I think you could go simpler - for example, your two characters are both train cleaners - they work on different trains which sit beside one another - one train coming in after the other - and then one train leaving again before the other. He works in one - she works in the other. They see each other through the train windows. What the audience knows (but the characters themselves do not) is that they like each other - but one of the characters - the boy? - thinks he doesn't stand a chance...
... so when he finds the bottle of Aftershave that promises 'your dreams come true' - that has been left behind as lost property on the train - he sprays it, and he transforms into a stereotypical handsome guy... He waits for the other train to come in with the woman on it - and when it does, he looks at her expectantly through the window, but the woman looks confused and disappointed - where's the man she likes gone? The guy realises his mistake - she liked him just the way he was! - so he looks again for the bottle and finds a customer complaint number on it - which he phones and speaks to 'the guy' (the genie) at the other end - begging to be changed back - saying something like 'But I love her!' - he turns around - the girl is on his train now, smiling at him - he says something like 'It's me!' And now we see him from her point of view and he's back the way he was and she says something sweet - and everything is the way it should be!
My broad point is that I think it's too confusing if all your characters change - you've only got two minutes - so maybe consider simplifying it along the lines of the above..?
Ok sounds good thanks Phil :]
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