New and Old animatic and script, what was going for @Alan

The New Script and Animatic

Script:

Part 1: 
When I was younger I didn't understand why I couldn't wear my Buzz Lightyear outfit to a family wedding, the balloons they would emperor Zurg's troops!, and I would be Buzz. Buzz to the Rescue! To Infinity and Beyond!


Part 2: 
I used to get into fights..a boy called me weird for being a tomboy so I threw him on the grass and I punched him. I was misunderstood, people thought I was a bad person, I just didn't know what to do as words didn't make the bullies stop.

Part 3:
I was introduced into Warhammer by my boyfriend Ross, Warhammer is an epic imaginary world, characterised by lot's of rules, miniature armies and the rolling of dice. And load's of different races like chaos and their demon's and space marines and Tau an alien race and the Necron's which are robotic skeletal warrior's and they're are Orks.
My favourite character is Perturabo leader of the Iron Warrior's he has a cybernetically controlled wrist cannon and makes all his own special equipment. The thing is Perturabo was underestimated by the emperor of the imperium this huge galactic empire. But he wasn't having it, He thought back he rose up and so he's the hero now he's the strong one. I Enjoy Warhammer because I have full control, I can command my unit's and collect highly detailed miniature's. I love the strategy and the conflict and the stories.
If my younger self met my older self one would be dressed as Buzz shooting laser's and the other one would be wearing Iron Warrior armour and shooting a bolt weapon. I know how some people might think how stupid it all is.. making up stories, playing with toy's, some people think I should just grow out of Warhammer and leave it all behind.,But why would I do that? I'm having way too much fun.

What I was going for in:

Part 1:  I was trying to make it a lot more simpler, it starts with the same kind of beginning I'm taking my wings off and I'm sad pretty much the same. However I thought it would be funny to get the feeling of disapproval through the cake toppers like they are a metaphor for the real bride and groom and I'm awkwardly waving and looking at them trying to gain approval.
Then I decided to cut to one prop example rather than many examples that explain the same thing..so in this case I chose the balloon's so the camera zooms out and then we see from a low angle shot the balloon's rising up the cake. And then it zooms in and the cake toppers are scared and this gives me the opportunity to 'save' them allowing me to do what I really wanted with approval. shooting the balloons in first person and the close call by having the balloon nearly surprise me or escape me. Then it ends with a very happy buzz Georgia hero and the approval I really wanted. I wanted everyone to see why being dressed as buzz was a cool idea and not bad or to be judged as I was a kid.
I didn't want the movement to be too complicated or more than it needed to be and this is what I got. It just needed to be cute and fun. ( less about and there was other things not just buzz and etc.. this felt off topic and hard to show and un-needed as it only needs to focus on one obsession young and old. )


Part 2:  The next part is when it cuts to the Bullying, so basically the bad part which came with being a tomboy e.g. me liking buzz as a kid and things that were not girly and also me with Warhammer. So here the idea was to show this Disney font writing saying "WEIRD" instead of showing actual violence of another character its shown with me acting out what I did but with my anger and upset to the verbal bullying I had the camera angles are just establishing close up and extremes just to show the impact of those words on me and the emotions but I still didn't want it to get too serious and I wanted a lighthearted joke hence the idea of the Disney lamp seeing the stereotypical I it jumps on on the floor just about to do its thing then it is scared of me and runs away this is a strong metaphor for how I felt as people were scared of me and avoided me. That's not what I wanted I just wanted to be again accepted. For who I was and what I wanted to do.

Part 3:
The idea of the camera shots next and what should be happening is this reveal of parts of this cool armour from bottom to top and the back to reveal my older self  here I show the things as I explain them like the dice and there's also other hint's to things like painting with the paint pot's representing races through a colour and the brush I imagined that the paint pots would represent the factions from how they could be seen in terms of the texture and the naming but I even thought of like Nurgle's rot being super disgusting and there' s like bubbles coming out of it and stuff, space marines have like a gold shiny colour to show they're pride for example and more then it was focused on the iron warrior symbol and what that character means to me so like when I describe he was underestimated and treated badly I was effected and there is kind of a relation to myself and kind of an admiration for his story I start 'rising up' so like showing empowerment through my fist and linguistics of pointing and commanding like I'm in charge whereas bullying or when was younger I wouldn't have that feeling of being in charge and then me and my younger self meet and its less about the movement and more about the expression and emotion's the cutting to the dice where both characters have met is a way to leave walking animation and just simply cut to the main parts of story and the focus which is the characters and the story when I say people might think how stupid it is my older character acts silly and this makes my younger self laugh as they are a kid but also because sometimes the world can be too serious and its this idea of letting go and being like I don't care what people think and what I'm gunna do is what I'm gunna do since I was younger till now. hence for infinity like the feeling of passion for something stays infinite because of how much impact it had on me or does for example the impact of toy story's buzz in my childhood and the impact of Warhammer now.

What I have noticed personally: 
As a personal note whilst I think I made things simpler so I cut script and parts I couldn't quite get to work as they didn't make sense I also noticed things that need to be done to make it better.
I agree that the end is too long. The beginning and middle are short snappy and fun and have had more work into the script. However the lamp is maybe bit too much work for such a short simple joke. The end is too long drawn out and I haven't mentioned painting or added life to any of things much maybe them moving would have made it bit more interesting as even though the Buzz one is quite still the cake toppers have expression and the balloons are alive not the cake but you get the gist. I also think that by doing things how it was said to do stills essentially of poses and angles and whats going on is likely a good idea as like recommended it would be like a pre viz that is actually 3d not 2d. Likwise I have the prop's for it now when the ending or whatever Is better. I just noticed some things may be too complicated that I may have shown or even overthought. I think the beginning and middle is easier to animate and understand now as my friends said they did. I just think most of it is the end. and maybe cut that lamp out I also forgot to mention the race tyrnaids then again if I mentioned everything we'd be there all day.

Animatic:

The Old Script and Animatic:


Old Script:

Part 1:
When I was younger, I didn't understand why I couldn't wear my Buzz Lightyear outfit to a family wedding.
Imagine me shooting laser's and pretending I was flying.
Everything was a target-the wedding cake, the bouquet, champagne glasses, balloons-they were Emperor Burgs troops and I would be Buzz-Buzz to the Rescue!"To Infinity and beyond!!"
And it wasn't just Buzz. I'd obsess about imaginary world's in tv shows, films and games: every toy, every outfit, every day.
I always liked the male characters better than the female. I wanted to be them because I thought thy were cool.
I liked their designs because they had more gadgets and because they were heroes, not damsel's in distress. At school, it was hard to fit in. I didn't know many girls who were interested in boy's stuff.

Part 2: 

I used to get into fights. A boy called me weird for being a tomboy, so I threw him on the

grass and punched him. I put my hands around his throat and squeezed until his face

turned purple. A teacher pulled me off him. Stuff like this got me in trouble. I was

misunderstood. People thought I was a bad person. I just didn’t know what to do because

words didn’t make the bullies stop.

I was introduced into Warhammer by my boyfriend Ross, Warhammer is an epic imaginary world characterised by lots of rules and lore which means a lot of tradition and Knowledge of the subject to this group.

The 40k universe is science fiction and gothic including

miniatures, rolling of the dice, different phases. There are different armies with different

leaders.

Part 3:

I play versus match’s against my boyfriend but you can go against other people in shop’s like Chaos Card’s or any board game shop that has the option of Games workshop and table’s. as different opposing armies and you can paint the miniature's how you’d like and then fight by using the stats and moving them around the board, and provided you have a unit like an interceptor, that fly’s you can avoid area’s of effect or even get out of distance of enemies. You can use horde based tactic’s or separate, different units help with different scenarios. Boards can be quite simple but they can also be the opposite and have more terrain, cover and tower’s etc. In the world there is races like demons, and Space marine’s which are human’s implemented with a gene seed to become superhuman and tau which are aliens and much more...

My favourite character is Perturabo. Not only is Perturabo the leader of The Iron Warrior’s my favourite faction/team,

he has a cybernetically controlled wrist cannon and makes his own special equipment. Most

of all he was underestimated…which I can relate to because the bullies spoke down to me like I wouldn’t amount to anything. I did also get seen as evil after reciprocating and the Iron Warriors became a traitor legion/evil team.

I enjoy Warhammer because I have full control. I can command my units and collect these

highly detailed miniatures. I love the strategy and the conflict and the stories. If my younger

self met my older self, there would be dressed as Buzz shooting lasers in one direction and

me wearing Iron Warrior armour shooting a bolt weapon in the other!

I know some people might think how stupid it all is; making up stories, playing with toys. I

think some people think I should just grow out of Warhammer and leave it all behind – but

why would I do that? I’m having way too much fun!

What I was going for in:

Part 1:  What I was going for in the beginning was this camera angle that shows I'm really small and confused, and then trying to get the audience to see through my imagination, so they see me jumping around or pretending to fly I wasn't necessarily going to show this happening at this point originally I was jumping in the rougher animatic before this. See below. But here I am simply pressing my button and the wing's come out. Then many example's of what is emperor zurgs troops are inanimate object's i list and that are zurgs troops as your seeing it through me. It was this idea that the cake was actually Zurg and the cake toppers were imprisoned or scared and I was flying to rescue them and shoot the enemies. There was then going to be a pause like I was a tv show and its in a bedroom with other thing's I like and the clock would morph into the gender icons and this separation from other girls that weren't like this.

Part 2: The middle part is the exact same I'm going for the exact same thing but. I didn't show the after emotion so the whole time you see I'm super angry and fed up but this idea of being misunderstood and how I actually felt doesn't quite show. So in the new version I made sure it showed how I was actually just upset and channeled the upset through anger and frustration.

Part 3 and What I have noticed personally :   This is where I think the problem is, the ending didn't really change at all I didn't really think of another way to do what I wanted to do and so I guess at the time I thought it was ok but it definitely isn't I do however think the two meeting and being together at the end is a strong end and I don't want to change that I think its great its just the Warhammer bit before that...I think the whole way through it has been a hard job to cut edit and kind of figure out what it best to show to understand and be more entertaining and simple.

The original original one I did had backgrounds which weren't needed as this is all in my own headspace dreamscape and there was a jump at the beginning etc and whatever. it was too slideshow and I couldn't imagine ways to represent things in a way which worked. I feel like how I have it now kind of works a lot better but the ending needs to be better and stuff changed I may not have noticed?

When I had my feedback at the crit in my head was:

Cut out what don't make sense or seems irrelevant or too many examples.
make it read better.
Less of a slideshow in parts and less sets and more drawings to understand more.
making the resolution better and Bigger and so I used photoshop and didn't scan stuff in.
make the audience be able to understand it more.
I was abit blind to the ending.
I think I made good extractions maybe some bad ones? I don't know and also not extracting enough/changing in places.
I sometimes feel an incapacity to make it easy or see it easy but when I do its easy.
For example I'm trying to explain what I need in an efficient simple way and yet in this post yet now it seems like I have simply typed way too much..